I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize
