im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
