In America we eat man semen.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
