I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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