The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
