She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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