I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
