It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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