Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
