Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
