this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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