He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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