Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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