Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You may now shotgun with the bride
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
