what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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