I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
