I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
