Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
