Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
