A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
