wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
