i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
