Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i've created a new STD.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
All the doctor said was why
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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