I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
