If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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