let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
