ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
