it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize