u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
