Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
