Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
