This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
