Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
be right there i have to get my cape
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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