the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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