i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
