I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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