Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
