i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize