I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
