Umm I'm too high to move.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
