Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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