My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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