I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
