Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
