If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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