The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
