Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
