is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He has the fingertips of a God
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
