This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I AM VODKA MAN
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
