i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
