Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize