some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
