Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
