It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
