His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
