Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
