Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
