saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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