I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
