I'm lost and stupid without you.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
