Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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