Welp...herpes.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
