dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize