He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
