i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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