i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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