Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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