I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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