Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
