So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
