My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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