it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
