I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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