I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
