She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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