I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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