I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
