why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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