just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
