either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
